Robert asked:
My son with Asperger’s are always alone at recess in school. His sister which is quite good at social integration have tried a lot to bring him into the gang, but he don’t want to, or reject the offer.
My son with Asperger’s are always alone at recess in school. His sister which is quite good at social integration have tried a lot to bring him into the gang, but he don’t want to, or reject the offer.
Is he happy being alone or is it other things stopping him from interacting with other students?
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He is happy being by himself.
It’s not unusual for kids with Asperger syndrome to be alone at school. He might well want to join in but finds it very difficult to do. It’s good of his sister to try to help him integrate. Have you asked him if he’s happy being alone? Or if he wants to integrate? I was always alone at school and often did want to join in but didn’t know how and when I tried was unsuccessful. I also got bullied a lot. If your son does want to integrate maybe the school could find some of the more understanding kids to befriend him.
I’m 36, just diagnosed that I’ve had Asperger’s my whole life. I had the most trouble functioning in High School. In grade school I only had one or two friends, never very many that I spent recess with.
My symptoms in Elementary school were different, though understanding it now I have an idea of how he’s feeling. A big part is that he enjoys it. While it’s a little lonely, it’s still a big sense of relief to not have to relate to others. Us’ Aspie’s’ are creatures of habbit and our world is significantly different than what everyone else seems to experience.
There are several reasons why he may not want to play with friends – one is the social effort, it’s hard to relate to others. It’s not what we want, it’s just how our world is. Trouble Reading the emotions of others, not relating to them, even the loud voices of other kids and a lot of activity going on around him may not really be an enjoyable thing. It’s nice to be away from it all – hence the sense of relief.
I think, no expert, how to help is to try and guide him two times a week taking him around friends. He needs other kids who are more calm. If you can find one or two other kids he likes/that like him, have him spend time with them 1-2 times a week, maybe half hour at first. If it goes well you can increase the time..
Bottom line is consistency, this is going to work the best for him. Do things same time, same day with the friends. Keeping the same routine may become an anchor for him to hold on to, even if its hard to relate, after a while he will at least have a sense of schedule which we usually like.
Remember, it’s not your fault, your son is a little like Mr. Spock, yes it’s good to have friends, and still the same emotions you have just aren’t there and aren’t the same.
Be careful when having him go with friend(s) to keep a close eye…. give it 3-4 weeks and then I’m not sure you should force him if he really doesn’t want to do it. Try getting your son and the other kid playing video games, I think that would work well.
Also, I’m not a Dr…. I think you could use a Neuropsychologist.
All the best.
I’m an adult with Asperger’s syndrome. When I was in school, I was usually alone at recess. The reasons for that were many.
Sometimes I needed a little break from people and just wanted to sit alone in some quiet place and relax. Socializing and being around people require such an effort from us aspies that we sometimes need a break from it. We also deal with sensory issues and may need a break from noise and such sometimes. I used the time I spent alone to relax and think or write about my interests, which I enjoyed.
At times I did want to be with someone, but it was hard for me to join the other students. It can be very hard for aspies to initiate conversations, friendships and such. If nobody specifically invited me to join them or started talking to me first, I was alone. If I was with a group of students and was not able to keep up with them or participate in what they were doing or talking about, I usually ended up somehow falling out of the group and ending up alone again.
Sometimes someone did invite me to join them, but most of them wanted to go to the dining room in breaks and I hated going there. Too much noise, too many kids and too many bullies around picking on me. Because I didn’t want to go there and the other students didn’t want to stay in quiet areas with me, I chose not to go with them and was therefore alone, even though I wanted company.
There were also certain students who I didn’t trust or didn’t want to be with, because they had bullied me or been mean to me before, so if those students were among those who were inviting me to join them, I sometimes declined the offer, because I suspected I would just get hurt by them again.
It is very nice of your daughter to try to help her brother socialize. Maybe his reasons for rejecting her offer are similar to what I described above. It is also possible that he doesn’t like someone from his sister’s gang or that he doesn’t enjoy the same activities or conversations as they do.
Have you tried asking him whether he is happy being alone and why he doesn’t want to join his sister and her friends? He is the only one who really knows.
I hated being alone. I wanted friends and I hated when I get pushed away.
Lot of aspies do want friends but they just don’t know how to make them and when they do try, kids tell them to go away. I was just lucky there were kids who decided to play with me or invite me to their games. But I was also used.
But if your kid rejects other people, then maybe he does like being alone. Some aspies have no desire for friends. Or maybe he finds her friends boring and they don’t have things in common with him.
He might be happy being by himself, but he might also want to be included ask him what he would like, but most people with aspergers prefer to be on their own.
Ask him. He’s the one who can give you the best answer.
That being said, there were times I wished I had friends to play with. I had “friends” but they werenn’t good ones. Generally, however, I liked being by myself. I’d run to the swings and swing the entire time.
im pretty chill at school with friends or not im in grade 9 and i like being by myself more then hanging with my friends really.
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